One of my goals in this life is to die knowing that I have always been faithful to my wife. To some people, this may seem like a high standard that may not be accomplishable. To those who prescribe to those thoughts, I can agree that I have also questioned if that is an attainable goal. Although I have been married for 11 years, I still battle the demons of my flesh on a daily basis. Often times I think of past relationships or the “what if…” when I see an attractive female pass my way. Countless are these moments. Nonetheless, I think of how much I love my wife and I move on.
Well, I recently had the pleasure of discussing this topic with a group of men that I recently met at an event. And what I heard was both interesting and disturbing at the same time. The pervasive thought among the men was that it was okay to have sex with another woman as long as it was just for sexual pleasure. At the same time, there has to be anonymity and clarity in the situation. In other words, cheating is just another rule that was made for those that don’t know how to get around them.
Here is another male philosophy that I came upon in this conversation. Ultimately, all men pay for sex. You can either pay upfront for a quick fix with no (perceived) long-term obligation. Or, you can buy the 30 year adjustable rate love-making.
Having said all of this, let me say that, “As a child, I thought and acted like a child.” It is amazing to me that so many men live with these philosophies. Well, maybe I should say boys… These are definitely not the thoughts of a man. Now, don’t get me wrong. We are all fallible in this life. And this is not to say, that we don’t have demons to deal with. Nonetheless, to accept and rationalize cheating as a means to an end is unacceptable.
Here is where I draw the line for myself and my boys (as I raise them). First, you don’t have sex with a woman. You make love to her. A dog can have sex; but only a man and a woman can make love. Making love is an act of intimacy that is both emotional as well as sexual. This is what you do for someone you love. This leads to my second point. You were put here in this life to serve others. This includes serving your mate with intimacy. Key word here is intimacy not SEX. Making love is not something you do just for the sake of your personal feel-good. Making love is for both of you, not you alone.
Now, to speak to the point of paying for the loving, I do for my wife because that is what I WANT to do. I treat my wife to nice things because I want to express my love. I don’t do things for my wife to pay for sex. That is absurd! If this is how you feel, you should not be married. And stay away from my dog, even she deserves better than that.
Men, it is time to let go of the macho bull@#! Your wife can and should fulfill you completely. At the same time, that might require some sacrifice and compromise on both sides. Doing this doesn’t mean that you go out and find someone else make up for what you may sacrifice at home. This means that you must MAN-UP and live with the sacrifices that you committed too.
Can I go my entire life without cheating on my wife? YES. This won’t be easy, and it will come with many challenges. Well, you can’t have a testimony without the test.